4.3.11

and its two simple truths that i havent been able to wrap my mind around until last sunday...
sitting in a black tank top, jeans, cross legged in a black chair, picking at my nails,
begging God to show me something, or to tell me something....

blonde haired, weary eyed, i waited.
Matt begins to pour out his heart saying some of will grasp it and some already know....
God loves you.
God is with you.

simple, yes, we would like to think so....as my mind sat there, i knew i had heard those things before
so why is now...any different....

getting and feeling God's approval is one of the hardest things.

yes. yes. it is.
all my life i have wrestled with this concept.

no matter the thousands of times i have let go, he has never let go of me.
he has made me unshakable in world that is shaky.

God's love is not founded on what we do, good or bad.
His approval of me is not waivered by my failures.

As Matt held out a hand and said....imagine your sin, the one you consider to be the worst...
tears welled up in my eyes facing the facts of my past life
and then truth is spoken into them in that moment...
God loves you despite these things, he loved you before them, through them and he will love you after them.
tears streamed down my face.

Matt held out his other hand....imagine your fears, the worst thing that could happen, that you are afraid of....
the tears got worse,
and then then the truth comes overflowing....
God is with you in them, He will not let you go, He brought you to every moment for a reason,


i sat with my face buried in my hands, and i wept.


in that moment, the weight of the fact that God never failed to pursue me,
he never let go of me, this was overwhelming...

peace rested sweetly on my soul.

as my lips sung the beauties of his love.

His hold is stronger than i can dare hope or dream.

love immeasurable,
matchless and bountiful.
you came to waken us to life.