ramble moment

mayan mocha.sketchbook.
letters.thoughts.
moments.

i can't help but to still let my mind wander in and out of reality,
to jump from blog to blog,
to wonder when this too shall pass,
to let me be completely alone.

my mind races in the night, as my head tries to sleep,
but this pillow and this bed, just arent the same anymore,
i cant enjoy sleep knowing the weekend is appraoching and i cant see you.

and why is this the case, why does my heart still break randomly.

i beg myself not to become numb.
a week and a half has come and gone,
and you want to figure this out.

and i know its true so this sweet girl will wait on you,
for as long as it takes for the amount of weeks that accumulate,
i want you.still.

and some days are harder,
and id be crazy if i didnt get frustrated sometimes,
but i dont let that hinder my feelings about you.
i still love you.
even in this.


and there is no way to tell you but to wait to prove it.

and if being patient is what proves my love for you.
then so be it.
i will wait.

letters of love and quiet moments...
i love you like the stars above.
and ill love you till i die.

and these ramblings are the pace of my brain.
from song to moment....
everything races by while i wait.....
and slow motion consumes me.
i could run as fast as i want but i will go nowhere,
because i just want to run to you.

and i wonder what you are doing
and what you are learning
when you leave me the dark
i wonder what will happen next,
so my expectations are void,
and my thoughts hurt me sometimes but
love of mine, i will wait.

these arent just empty words
i am here sweetly waiting for you.

and i will back up the words with sweet moments.
while i stand my ground.


because i love you.
everything about you.
and this hurts to go through,
but love i will be here.
at the end of it all.

reposted from march 23,2010

there could never be another

where'd all this sweetness come from, best friend?

this caring soul you posses is shining through

and a smile cant help but breach my face,

your perseverance is impeccable,

as you chase me around from year to year

and not an angry frown as controlled your thoughts,

country music, boots, and dancing in the kitchen,

is something i hated before you swept me off my feet,

and these moments make me joyful,

and not just happy temporarily.

i have burnt the bridges in my past

and left that baggage on the last plane,

ready and willing to embark on the next adventure,

so please be patient, as you care for me,

because i am not quick to accept it,

you have the boys from before to thank for my callused heart.

so read my expression of love,

and take it as a grain of salt,

because this isnt easy for me

as you soften my heart

and lead me,

i cant help but be grateful

for such a beautiful thing.

best friend,

thanks for never permanently leaving my side,

through thick and thin,

youre the only guy that has picked up all the broken pieces,

stringing them back together isn't going to be easy,

but you will have some help,

so don't let go when it gets rough,

because thats what the others did,

don't lead me into darkness,

because i am giving you my trust,

get ready,

you might want to buckle up,

this adventure appears to be a long one,

filled with beautiful stops and time to smell the flowers.

today, tomorrow, i will be here.
glorious, he will reign, at the beginning and end of each day.

youre still my best friend

God gave me you for the ups and the downs,so i can't be discouraged, for He will be glorified, and i recognize your obedience and all that it entails...so even though this is hard for me, i know it is best for you, so i will hold on, knowing that the end result will be beautiful, when your struggles are no longer. it is easy to be angry and therefore in order to be stronger, i will not fall into anger.
it is easy to believe lies, therefore i will not. i will hang on every word, and trust that you have my best interest at heart and even more importantly that my Creator has my best interest at heart...
and he knows that my heart desires you when things are all said and done, and he knows what is best for us.together and apart.
i pray that you don't forget our sweet moments together, like morning kisses, a cruise, valentines day, cstat, weekends together, or smaller things, like sharing deodorant, and wearing your shirts, or dancing in hotel rooms to late hours of the night trying to perfect the pretzel, the list goes on, from bra shopping to walking around the block, you have brought joy to all these things for me, and your smile seems to agree.
i pray that your soul be renewed and wonderful, that you recognize what is right, and i pray for determination and strength and perseverance and peace.
i pray that you understand where i am coming from and that you know i will not waiver,
i will be by your side as your best friend, like it always has been and always will be, although this is hard, my tears are done, and i can now learn to encourage and love you better, for in this, i am trying to be thankful.
i do not harbor anger in your direction, and i try not to worry as you go forth on your own, please dont fail to keep informed and set me at ease, for it is a rough transition.

best friend, you mean alot to me, more than words can express, you have not failed me, and you have always directed my eyes to the Lord and not to your own hands, for i have learned so much through all of this and i know it can only get better, day at a time, and i pray that we can rebuild our relationship with an even greater foundation. so do what you must, and soak it all in, for you are wonderful, and God is going to do great things for you in the course of this time.

and so she will patiently for the one she wants beside her,
she has been through so much just to get to one year with you,
and she loves you more than you are able to comprehend,
her heart is yours to hold or to break,
and its a scary thought for her to trust, yet she lets you in so willingly,
everyone can see how perfect they are together,
yet he stumbles once in awhile and lets her sit and wait,while he makes up his mind,
and all that she needs is a simple answer,
so she will hang on every word, as he talks to her,
and she will cry sweet tears, when she hears his voice,
it takes everything within her to get through one day at a time,
and as she sleeps she dreams, of every sweet moment, that she is afraid he is letting go,
and when the dawn breaks, another day begins,
and she will go on, just waiting for him to take her in,
because he means more to her than any other, ever has or ever will.

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us. (Romans 8:18)

and this is constantly on my mind,
how can you give her everything and promise her tommorrow?
and then just want to walk away from her at the drop of a pin.
how can you not see how wonderful she is for you?
on your weakest of days she is there to hold you up,
on your happiest, she is there to jump for joy with you,
she has given up plenty for you.
how can you not see the heartache she is willing to go through, just for you
her final cries are ones of pain, despair, and love,
she cant let go of something she wanted for so long,
she want you at the finish line with her,
how could this not be right?
are your attractions wandering?
you are wavering at her expense,
and leaving her to ponder what she did wrong,
and around every break and bend, she is still standing strong,
attempting to prove to you that she is the one for you,
the one that will not go away after an arguement,
the one that will help you through life's journey,
the one that will stand by your side when no one else will,
the one that cares deeply about you, and hurts when you do,
she aches over wasted time and energy,
and the way you push yourself away,
the hurt is heavy and the burden even heavier,
yet she will carry it, just to be with you,
you are her best friend, and she is yours,
yet you cant be honest with her,
even in moments such as this,
she prays for answers,
for wisdom
for guidance
for you.
she will hold on,
until she cant anymore,
she is slowly breaking
but has little glimmers of hope
and little glimpse of joy,
as she clings to her Creator, admist the turmoil,
and begs for no pain, although her heart is full,
she looks at old pictures, and pulls our old memory files,
and believes that everything in her life has lead her to you,
and its all left in your hands,
for you to take or for you to leave,
its a hard decision to take on,
and she wonders why you do this to her
but she waits patiently because she knows how right it all feels,
she loves you more than anyone,
and will give you the time you need,
she hopes you take into account the happy things,
and sweet moments and memories, that you wont ever have with someone else,
because she knows your difficult self, and in the end,
you are worth it to her.
so don't be hasty and leave her right away,
when things arent simple and life gets in the way,
you need each other, its plain to see,
you were meant to be.

and i hope that you arent slipping away from me,
like a faded flower in the field.
and i hope that you don't see me differently than before,
because all of this has got to stop and this whole bit needs to end.
the stress of this is hard enough on me, and it makes me shiver,
so i keep clinging and i cant help but hold on tighter than normal,
and i am sorry, i just will not let you go.
i know things in your world revolve around work, but i am still here,
and i will not go anywhere unless you want to push me away,
so while the last few days havent been easy, niether will the next few months,
so please dont leave me in the midst of mayhem, while you chase other things,
it is hard enough with the distance, and i pray that it makes your heart grow more full,
than ever before.
so please stick by my side like you have all along, now is not the time to slowly fade away,
because i need your gaze and your attention more than ever,
and your sweet words would help too,
instead of wandering in  your mind,
look at me and tell me what youre thinking.
stop leaving me in the dark, because it scares me
and all i want is you to come grab my hand,
while this storm passes raging by.