hold me like the setting sun

and i lay this out simple and clear for the last time--

i want to be pursued in the most gorgeous of ways

i want to be cherished as your princess

i want there to not be a night where i go to bed with frustration

i want you to encourage me, not bring me down

i want to run the race of life next to you-not behind or in front of you.

i want to travel the world and live out the greatest of dreams with our fingers intertwined

i don't want to settle

i don't want to be left helpless, hopeless, and angry.

i want you on my team and i don't want you to drop the ball

i want you fighting for me, not with me.

i want you to stand up for me

i want songs of love and laughter.

i want smiles on everyone's faces when they see us together,

i want a love of no envy but of joy,

i want porch swing time in the morning with mugs of coffee,

i want vulnerability not wall building

i want to learn from you without knowing that its happening

i want to hurt when you hurt and vice versa

i want to change the world, together

i don't want bad choices and regret

i want decisions with effective results.

i want you to see me and believe that i am meant for you.

i don't want you to cling to the past but instead look at the future.

i want my family to love you

i want your family to love me.

most of all--i want you to love the LORD before you love me.

i want you to lead me because you want to do what is best for me.

i want you to have our best interest at heart.

so am i asking too much or too little?

and am i looking of the right things?

the answer to this is...

that i deserve everything i ask for.

and that no, you will not be perfect, and yes there will be long days

and yes there will be frustrations, but when the sun sets and we cuddled close,

at least we can rest in the fact that the Lord is in control and we are not,

and that He gave us everything we could both ask for.

so i will stop searching

and i will stop settling

and i will wait patiently on what He has in store for me,

because he knows my hearts desires and He ultimately has my best interests in mind,

even when i fail to see it.

carrying your Bible in your backpack doesn't make you a Christian.

this finger where your ring used to be, definitely doesnt feel the same, until another is put there,

one that is from a guy with so much love and less control.

four years down the drain, watch it catch everything as it washes down.

a letter to a lover

dear you.

you know who you are as you read this little letter of love.

this letter that keeps sitting in my mind, that resonates on tiny neon index cards,

while you keep busy in london.

the past weeks of your journey have left me back home,

and this letter are all the words that i cant seem to just let go.

so ill sit here and pour my heart on this slip of paper, that will make its way to you,

where you will find what i have been hiding.

you are....the epitome of something great.

and your daily letters captured me from my heart.

you encompass every feeling of love, and that was all real.

the joy that we filled each other with was not from this world,

leaving us so euphoric, our feet cant touch the ground.

your hand literally fit the most perfectly, as our fingers would always intertwine.

i never thought i love you would come so quickly out of my mouth,

but that is what i felt, as i let my heart do the talking this time around.

so thank you for the overwhelming flow of encouragement--

the tiny words of beauty that you poured over me will continue to renew my spirits.

your smile and my eyes, we would get caught up in moments,

where time, most likely, really did STOP.

you created the ideal way to love me and you dont even know it.

there are hiccups along the way and hesitations,

but you ease my fears, while the moonlight soaks up the lake.

car rides and jam sessions, you loved the way my blonde hair was free, every second.

the way your eyes rest on me, is something so unseen,

it blows others away.

there is love in a relationship that stopped so you could take flight

and be used in gorgeous ways.

you, were not my rock in life, yet you were so dependable.

i cried when you uttered those three little words on the back porch,

that was the first time that i could feel the capacity of each syllable.

the roads go on for days, and they beckon for the tires of your car,

the cupcake stand still shines in all its glory, as i stand before it, in my purple plaid.

kisses on my forehead, on my cheeks always started as little winks.

across the room, i can still see you serving down on your knees, and that draws me in.

worship and rocks, this is what its like.

you cant seem to shake that smile on your face everytime we catch up over the computer screen, and its hard for me to still say goodbye.

so please just hold on tight, till june rolls up, and we can resume.

-me.

p.s. i loved you then, and i still love you now.

sewell

there i sat, beneath the weeping willow,

with the sunlight shining onto my not yet tan skin,

today is the day i will live outside.

the rushing of the river beneath the concreted walls,

you could hear its whispers of cold joy,

the leaps from the edge, the submerging of heads,

this is what the natives live for.

surfboards, long boards,

slacklines, hammocks,

bikinis and board shorts,

laughter and music,

hoes and dude bros,

scattered around in the grass--

the sun begged us all to this one place,

on the perfect day.

and tommorrow will bring on papers,

maybe even snow, in this texas heat,

and class, yes that dreaded thing that steals our attentions.

but forever will the snapshots remain, of that perfect gathering

of every person, on that grassy hill.

black and gold

tattoos, races across the street when red lights flicked to green,

hand in hand, the square at night was ours...

block after block, cold breath after the next,

and piggyback rides full of laughter.

forget the world behind,

pick me up where we left off.

literally..pick me up,

take me with you, wherever you go...

i want to be next to you, black and gold,

and goofy photos,

stares and compliments,

long hugs and jean jackets.

coffee breaks that consume my hours.

i am yours.for just alittle,

you, yes you, have captured my attention once again...

and i will not deny it.

one step at a time,

one foot in front of the other,

my hand in your pocket,

your arm around my waist--

we will walk the edges of railroad tracks,

and watch the city lights flicker and disappear...

and in that moment--we were infinite,

black and gold, black and gold.

the red cliches

and the road is black before her, with yellow squares and lines making their existence known by glittering in the street. hot tears roll down her cheeks as her tires hug the pavement at 80 mph.curve around curve and every straightaway before her...
its the night before valentine's day, and she cant seem to shake these thoughts, from before and theses dreams of one day.

the past lays out these ideas to marry your best friend,the orangey yellow and red roses in a huge bouquet, and the black card to avoid the red cliches, that was my favorite moment.and will remain there in the files of my brain, with dried up roses and the card that i still carry to this day.

the future lays in the darkness before her, with one across the world, and one in her car, and one with his career, choices sit all around and we all know that she will run from all three, and take her tattered wings and believe.

but this you will see is the most beautiful of all three, because she is free.

and yes every choice she leaves behind, will follow her, until they are crawling on their knees,
and she will be strong, although she wants at least one, in the end its better to gain none of them.

and the red cliches will remain, in that black card,the card she will hold tight, waiting for her best friend to find her, but she knows that day will come, and every fight will be worth it, and every choice left behind will disappear.

on the tube

the great london air, catches your breath and holds it there, like smoke from the end of a cigarette. i am on your mind like that girl with a black barrette. she sits next to you as the underground motion picture speeds by. you take in her scent, and its the same one you smelled before,your brain holds onto it, you are captured by it, but not because its this girl...

this puzzled look breaches on your face, and you are left with an image.

the same image, the same smell from the first night we met.

and youre six hours ahead in the future, where it snows more than i can imagine,

yet i havent left your mind, it still holds me tight,

while your body does the walking, your mind is somewhere else,

and every possible way to get me to where you are crosses through it.