f8-me; f9-you

why can't I forget the mistakes?
my mind tends to play tricks, clips and movie stills
like some weird cinema event,
starring last april,
yet it is vague because those days were lived out with blurred vision, but when I see you around or hear your voice down the long hallways--all i can think of are...
the swords on the wall,
crosswalks at midnight,
the tattoo studio
and the art that it gave you,
tight jeans, leather jackets,
and late nights followed by early morning breezes
blowing softly over bare skin through the open window.

And what other girl gave you nights like these ones you cherished.
after hours of sketches and blackened dirty hands--we found comfort in cold sheets that were warmed by two bodies. we would wake up and debate trudging to class, because there we were strangers, where we carried the title of seat numbers and fake labels, F8 and F9 is what we clung to and bailed at the thought of it being anything more.
there will forever be an imprint on my mind of what monday and wednesday nights consisted of,
in which F8 would meet F9 in a comfy set of old chairs in a garage with smoke billowing from two pairs of lips that often just wanted to collide and freeze time.

little did we know--the late nights would end, the day would embrace and the sunlight would erase the night before...
Summer came...and failed to speak after that,
but were constantly reminded of our late nights by the subtlities of red chairs in class stadium seating or the smell of charcoal on my artist jeans.

so why can't i escape these thoughts?!
maybe it's because you called me, "babe"
and i gave you something that i can never get back.
i'd love to look at last april and be clean or maybe proud,
but why be proud when all that is left is a blurry memory surrounded by haze,
a memory that never should have been.
so stop showing up as a bad movie in my mind, because i am no longer the girl you saw me to be in those moments,

i am more than porcelain skin and a pair of jeans,
say what you want but everyone still knows,
i will forever remain as your muse.