just last a year

2009.it brought:

laugher.change.love.

couchtime cries.and loss of friends.

deep connections and hippies.

brand new and thrice on halloween.

a new year and awkward beginning.

fake smiles and depressed days.

rocky relationships and steadfast ones.

you in spain, me in the states.

living and giving.

loss of time and death of lives.

a wedding and a funeral, or two.

a pregnant cousin.

art class, and bio classes.

late nights and cold mornings.

coffee and skipping class.

a house with better roommates.

homemade dinners and leftovers.

a fridge and a stove

a master bedroom and a wall of records.

a ten day roadtrip:DC,NYC,Penn,Nashville, Memphis.

the smithsonian and jefferson.

graceland and horse parks.

hottest of summers and the worst of partnerships.

its always sunny in philadelphia

late night drives and travel mugs

wimberley and younglife.

GOD and nature walks.

conversations constant.

beautiful days and beautiful conversations.

tattooed friends and grander thoughts.

ethics and anthropology.

a greater calling to costa.

and questions about love.

the ability to feel,

without you.

last year at pinecove.

high schoolers with big hearts,

willing to embrace mine.

cookies and burning them.

sigma chi's and the loss of them.

friends, better ones.

gatherings and bonfires.

camping and kerbey lane.

getting lost and getting a gps.

purple plaid and purple cardigans,

and hope for a new brighter, better, beautiful year.

2010.

beauty in the blurry

the glass sliding doors opened and people were waiting, with an old man singing the same five christmas carols on karaoke. i am wearing a beautiful scarf around my neck and my favorite purple cardigan. scanning the crowd for some sign of you. i don't seem to blend, in fact, they thought i was from the royal dutch airlines, as if i had the answers to the delayed flight and the lack of ability to get through customs, but instead i took my place among them with the same puzzled look.

soon enough you'd come for me, i knew it.

you make your way through the rows of people to find me in the center, as everyone turned to face me, i jumped into your arms, and found home right there. every face lit up and cheers and clapping erupted.with a cigarette in your hand to cope with your worldly travels, we drive off.

soon enough, we'd find ourselves somewhere else.

as the door of 1610 astor place opened, your family greeted us with huge and warmth. the kind of warmth that yeager brings to your throat as it goes down. it was a party that moved fast like the beat of your favorite classical song, quick and painless.blue dixie cups posed less of a problem when filled with the sangria your mom always makes, with the orange slices, the colors fit perfectly in the cup and in my mouth. cup after cup. rum and coke. sweet tea vodka with lemonade.it was one after the other as my thoughts took flight and my laughter kept me grounded.each drink was taken with class and with that followed the pictures.outside it was cold, so crisp you could breathe out smoke.as family members left, and the few in their twenties held onto the party till the sun started to rise.

soon enough, my laughing would be too much.

i reached the bed in the corner, just in time to burst into giggles, with the realization that i was indeed exhausted.i crawled in with plaid pjs and passed out.being held and tucked in by you, was something i had left far behind in the summer.but love, oh how i missed you.

as we woke up the next morning i tried to string each thought together, as if i were sewing a quilt of memories, only to realize, that my memories were a blur, a blur of colors, a blur of emotions, and thoughts.

last night was simply...

a beautiful blur.

and when i have my own place,

ill have pre-wrapped fortune cookies sitting in a clear jar on my bar,

and you must add "in bed" after everyone you read out loud.

to:grace

dear beautiful,

your smile radiates, even when you are let down,by everyone in your family.

you are quick to forgive and that is why i love you the most.

you are abused, and taken advantage of, yet you love more than before with open arms.

your name, it fits you perfectly,grace.

you give and give and give, even when you cant anymore.

you are 6 years younger than me, but you have taught me more about life in three months than I have learned in the past year.thank you.

if i were older, i'd take you away from them.

they wouldn't be able to physically or mentally hurt you,

or use you the way they do.

I'd protect you from the uncertain,

I'd adopt you as my own,

and love you just the same.

guard your heart little girl,

and hold on tight.

if i could tell you one thing...

its that you are created for something far greater than what the world has thrown at you so far.

love.